Reflection
by Astronomy Domine
Summary: Sirius reflects on recent happenings.
1. Chapter 1

For years he'd been sneaking out here, onto the rooftop of Gryffindor tower, alone, to think, or just be away from the others. They were his best friends, but sometimes all he wanted was space, sometimes even they couldn't understand. Alone out here there was nobody to judge him, no appearances to keep up, no tough exterior to maintain.

He had told them, of course, what had happened with his family. At least he'd told them the outcome – that he'd left, that he would never go home again. And, as expected, they'd been nothing but supportive about his decision, but they hadn't been there. They didn't see the looks in his parent's eyes as they tortured him…they didn't see that new hardness in his brother's face, as he watched, and never once tried to stop them, never once sent him any kind of comforting glance, anything to indicate that he might still care about the brother who had once been so close to him.

His friends hadn't seen how the years of disappointment had developed into such pure hatred, for their own son! How they had so little regard for him that even that house elf was held in higher regard than he was. They didn't know. It wasn't their fault, he didn't tell them every detail…but that didn't change the fact that they just didn't know what they were talking about.

And so he sought refuge up here, the cold November air numbing his face and his fingers, and the wind whistling and wailing around his ears. He stared up at the sky, seeking out the star he was named for… and as he stared into the darkness, he couldn't help seeing those faces again in his head, hearing their vicious words over and over, in an endless aching loop.

He screwed up his eyes to try to block them out, tried to think of happier things, of the mischief he and his friends had made these past years, tried to replace his parent's faces with theirs.

Slowly the words faded, still audible in the back of his mind, but not screaming, violating anymore. He stood to leave, taking in the distance to the ground. He stepped carefully as he made his way back to the waiting window, not wanting to slip on the forming frost and risk falling to his death.

Tomorrow night he'd be back, and the next, and the next, and his friends would never be any the wiser. They didn't know, but if they did they'd be right here with him, no matter how late or how cold the night. The thought almost made him smile. He might not have blood kin anymore, but he still had Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail, and they were better than brothers, and they weren't going anywhere.


	2. Chapter 2

Part II

Remus' eyes fluttered open as he heard the dormitory door click shut, and felt the curtains around his bed stir. Watching unnoticed through the gap in the drapes he could see Sirius' outline in the faint light of the crescent moon as he rounded the end of Remus' bed, so silently that he might have been in his animagus form as he crept across the room. He drew his cloak off with the faintest rustle of cloth, before climbing into bed and rolling onto his side, so that his face was no longer visible.

Glancing at the clock on his bedside table Remus could see that more than an hour had passed since his friend had left, believing they were all asleep. He sighed, ever so quietly. This was not the first time this year that he had watched Sirius come and go late at night, without telling anyone. It was true that in previous years Sirius had snuck out late at night, but never as utterly silently, as carefully, and in the mornings that followed there were always quiet comments, not so subtle insinuations about where he'd been. Sirius had long had a reputation with the girls.

This year was different though. Oh, he was still popular, and Remus was certain that almost any of the girls in the school (and probably more than a few boys) would be ecstatic if Sirius showed an interest in them. During the day, he behaved much as he had in earlier years, flirting with as many girls as he could get away with, wreaking havoc with the marauders…but these nightly excursions were something very different than last year's visits to the Astronomy tower with half of the sixth year girls.

Remus had no idea where Sirius might be going, or what he was doing, but he could tell that something was very plainly bothering him. It seemed though, that Padfoot did not want his fellow marauders to know about whatever it was. As far as Remus knew he was the only one who had noticed Sirius' unexplained nocturnal wanderings, and he wasn't planning to tell the others. He'd never tried to follow him, or watch him on the map when he slipped off to wherever he went.

But Remus was worried. He knew that Padfoot had had a difficult summer with his parents. And he suspected that maybe there was more to his decision to leave home than Sirius had let on, mentioning only "a big fight," which he claimed neither he nor his parents would ever forgive.

Perhaps it was time he stopped waiting for Sirius to talk to him, and started thinking about how best to approach his friend. Maybe, if he came alone, Sirius might just tell him what had been troubling him these past months.


End file.
